Each of us has a child residing deep inside us, one that is the direct descendant of the child we once were.

Each of us has a child residing deep inside us, one that is the direct descendant of the child we once were. This child within is with us at all times and shows up here and there behind certain desires and actions, without us really being conscious of their presence at the ten stages we gently make contact and re-engage with our magical child within. 

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We were all once children, and still have that child dwelling within us.

We were all once children, and still have that child dwelling within us. But most of us are quite unaware of this. And this lack of conscious relatedness to our own child within is precisely where so many addictions, behavioural, emotional and relationship difficulties stem from.

The fact is that the majority of so-called adults are not truly adults at all. We all get older. Anyone, with a little luck, can do that. But, this is not adulthood. True adulthood hinges on acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for loving and parenting one's own child within. For most of us, this never happens. Instead, their child within has been denied, neglected, disparaged, abandoned or rejected. We are told by society to "grow up," putting childish things aside. To become adults, we've been taught that our child within--representing our child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity and playfulness--must be stifled, quarantined or even killed. The child within comprises and potentiates these positive qualities. But it also holds our accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears and angers. "Grown-ups" are convinced they have successfully outgrown, jettisoned, and left this child within--and its emotional baggage--long behind. But this is far from the truth.

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your stance pain and a certain amount of suffering are byproduct of the stages growth process.

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your stance pain and a certain amount of suffering are byproduct of the stages growth process. Emotional growth stretches the limits of our personality, and this is unpleasant. At some level our personalities want to remain static and fixed, and become rigid as such, even for the most growth-oriented people. Even children. If our child within is not compelled to grow, motivated deeply and intensely from within – by our deep inner spirit, our life forces, our passion – we wouldn’t be able to put up with the pain of growth. Growing is not fun. Its consequences may feel wonderful over the long haul, but its process is awkward, uncomfortable, and anxiety-producing at first.

Growth is humbling. Growth requires vulnerability. Crayfish are a wonderful metaphor here: to grow they must shed their protective exoskeleton, because with their tough skin intact their soft underbody cannot expand. So periodically throughout their lives they shed their skin, expose their softness to the world, and grow radically. But this is also their time of highest risk, as their claws are now soft and useless and their backs pierceable. The same fish and frogs they spend their lives eating can suddenly turn around and eat them back. Thus, during this time they must protect themselves. Generally they crawl under a rock and hide, doing their growth in a private, safe space, not unlike the bamboo gardens, a confidential journal, or a sanctuary for meditation.


We who cannot handle the pain and vulnerability of growth are consigned to stay stuck in life. We must keep our true selves buried from the world’s eye and from our own. We cannot face our full range of feelings because this is too dangerous. These feeling tell the truth. We must instead act out our inner truth – our buried pain and rage – in disguised form, through addictions and self-destructive behaviours and inappropriate relationships (most notably with our own children), and even physical illness. The child within tells the truth when the conscious mind cannot.

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In early contact at the stages, we may have to tease apart what we are hearing

In the early contact at the stages, we may have to tease apart what we are hearing whether its a child withins voice when, in fact, we may be receiving an echo of a distorted broadcast laced with the static of a charged emotional atmosphere of the present working distortions. Manifesting in the constant need of an-others input one that jells with that of the abused child. Periods of quiet meditation are needed to be able to start to acknowledge the child withins authentic voice, the voice of the intuition or, the voice may be delivering only a script written by another. it may reflect the desire to placate, take care of, or pledge loyalty to an imagined fantasy parent.

It can be the trembling voice of a child within cowering in the shadow of an abusive parent, who, no longer having a spouse to intimidate, control, and beat, now uses the children to fulfil the same pathological aims.

All the while the child may secretly harbour the hope that those entrusted with the child's welfare will see through the parental charade. These strong messages become a self fulfilling prophecy in later life that dominate the individual and inappropriately bubble to the surface resulting in addiction and dysfunctional behaviour. The parental voice is almost always sniping at the authentic child within influencing relationships, behaviour and resulting in deep self doubt.

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Dissociative learned behaviour is a result of long-term abuse.

Dissociative learned behaviour is a result of long-term abuse. As children, we witnessed and experienced dysfunctions in the family. We typically describe repeated consuming abuse by multiple perpetrators, and then were otherwise emotionally neglected, starving for comfort, consolation, or attention. We were left alone, even while very young, to process and contain our pain by ourselves. For us, the splitting process became our way of coping with emotional intensity, conflicts, distress, and intense pain that were otherwise far too difficult to manage on our own. We blocked off our pain, locked it away from ourselves, and left it there. Sitting, waiting, piling up for years. When we understand how much pain and abuse has occurred in order to create the dissociative splits in the first place. All areas of dissociative survivors’ lives are touched and profoundly changed or affected by the abuse.

Everything we need is already here.

Everything we need is already here. The challenge is letting go of all our old stuff in the way of our recovery. The stages is an exploration back into time, the secrets to our future remain at our conception and early childhood.Wellness springs from our hidden child, the child within.

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Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb.

Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air--explode softly--and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either--not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination.