We are wired to survive; which means we seek to avoid pain instead of choosing to feel good.

We are wired to survive; which means we seek to avoid pain instead of choosing to feel good. It's this hard wiring that keeps us alive but it also holds us back from living our Recovery.

Re-capturing our Child Within.

We've spent so much time trying to fit in, bending ourself out of shape in order to belong.... We've been like a chameleon for such a long time, changing to suit our environment....Now We are not sure who we are!.... Somewhere in all the pretending, role-playing and adjusting of our behaviour in order to be liked.. We've lost ourself.... When we sit quietly and peer into our inner world We don't always like what we see.... We have become something, someone else.... We've traded away our heart and our mind in the mistaken belief we would be accepted, loved and included.... In truth We've lost who we are.... What the world now sees is a mirage.... we have lost our clarity, our original innocence, virtue and even our purpose.... We have attached ourself to the lives of others, believing our own life not to be worthy....  for the first time, we can see that this is not true... we are indeed whole.... It's time to stop changing and adapting in order to fit in.... As we look more closely we can see the child that we once were... still resides deep in our constructed self, occupying a unique place in our mind.... It's the part of us that knows real strength lives in kindness and compassion.... It's the part of us that doesn't need to pretend.... The child we once were is untainted.... It's the part of us that isn't corruptible, that isn't afraid to be itself.... Why should we hide the kind, perfect nature of our child?.... Why should we hide that beautiful innocence, that wide-eyed wonder that the child within us brings into our life?.... We are tired of believing that being an adult means denying our nature and spirit and becoming something else the world finds more acceptable.... We now allow our lightheartedness, humour and the eternal curiosity of our mind not afraid to grow to come to the fore.... We step willingly into the mental pose of our child hidden within.... From this vantage point we see ourself and the world differently.... This is a kinder, softer place.... we can feel more patience and compassion when we connect with this part of us.... We enjoy the gentle strength of our intuitive voice.... It brings with it more reason and compassion.... We meditate to spend more time in this place.... Our child Within has so much to teach us and we have so much to learn.... We are ready and willing to grow....And we do.... Connecting with our child within enables us to become more balanced, recovered and whole.... Going forward we walk hand-in-hand with our child within ....We will no longer neglect our child within for we have learned to come home to ourselves....


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Related articles

• Intuition lets us see the Truth.
• The Childhood mind is peculiarly vulnerable to trauma, especially when young - a blind-fear is induced which turns thought off.
• We have to lose ourself in order to find ourself in the stages.
• We all have a child within that part of our identity that is free, spontaneous and creative
• We are addicted. We are addicted to dissociation.
• We reflexively go away inside when we brush up against something difficult, and we are gone before we know it.

Contacting the child within is a process of diverting one's scattered forces into one powerful channel

Contacting the child within is a process of diverting one's scattered forces into one powerful channel to the centre of your being.

One of the main reasons why we see so many people unhappy when we start studying with them

One of the main reasons why we see so many people unhappy when we start studying with them is because they are so focused on the reasons and causes of their problem, the pathology.

And while it’s all well and good to know where our problem came from, and very important to know where our problem came from, if you only stay focused on that (the pathology), we  will not recover.

To recover, in any way – medically, mentally, physically, emotionally – we’ve got to have an ideal outcome or scenario or destination that we are heading towards.

This isn’t to say that we should become SO fixed on an outcome that we are inflexible and rigid – on the contrary! we can believe in our life-flow. But, if all we do is spend time focusing on what the problem is, we leave no room open for the solution.

This isn’t as easy as “being positive”. We would not be so naive as to say that a positive attitude is enough to make you feel better or heal – especially from extreme illness. However, what I am saying is that without an enquiring positive and optimistic outlook, the possibility of healing and recovering is almost 0%.

When we focus only on the problem – we get MORE of the problem. And it becomes not only the story of our life, but also our IDENTITY. And when our identify – as in - who you are is now the problem, the likelihood of recovery reduces significantly.



If we wish to recover, if we wish to live an extraordinary life, if we wish for miracles and to be able to SEE solutions – we must go looking for them. This means that we become aware of the pathology, understand the pathology and then set our minds  on to an outcome of recovery, rather than on the pain of the problem.


This is not a prescription for a recovery bypass of our pain. We must feel our pain fully in order for it to be grieved. We cannot will our pain away or just wish for life to get better.

The body responds to what your mind feeds it. Healing is a medical process, an emotional process, a physical process. Our attempts at healing can only be started if we return to our source our child within.


Anyone who has come back from massive failure or had a recovery in his or her life operated this way.

Returning to our childhood.

Can you? I’m curious.

Related articles

• Healing is a medical process, an emotional process, a physical process AND a child within process.
• We can become emotionally traumatised in early childhood
• Greatest human exploration and adventure based recovery study program on this planet and it is available to you.
• The Stages study seeks an unconditional friendship with our child within.
• Being honest (and therefore vulnerable) terrifies the narcissist.
• In early contact at the stages, we may have to tease apart what we are hearing

The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness.

The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness. You can be the sunshine for another person. You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself. So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself. Learn how to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own nourishment. Then you have something to offer the other person. If you have enough understanding and love, then every moment — whether it’s spent making breakfast, driving the car, watering the garden, or doing anything else in your day — can be a moment of joy.

If our parents didn’t love and understand each other

If our parents didn’t love and understand each other, how are we to know what love looks like? … The most precious inheritance that parents can give their children is their own happiness. Our parents may be able to leave us money, houses, and land, but they may not be happy people. If we have happy parents, we have received the richest inheritance of all.

This is why you check your email many times a day!

Sometimes we feel empty; we feel a vacuum, a great lack of something. We don’t know the cause; it’s very vague, but that feeling of being empty inside is very strong. We expect and hope for something much better so we’ll feel less alone, less empty. The desire to understand ourselves and to understand life is a deep thirst. There’s also the deep thirst to be loved and to love. We are ready to love and be loved. It’s very natural. But because we feel empty, we try to find an object of our love. Sometimes we haven’t had the time to understand ourselves, yet we’ve already found the object of our love. When we realise that all our hopes and expectations of course can’t be fulfilled by that person, we continue to feel empty. You want to find something, but you don’t know what to search for. In everyone there’s a continuous desire and expectation; deep inside, you still expect something better to happen. That is why you check your email many times a day!

Distracting ourselves from our suffering.

Often, we get crushes on others not because we truly love and understand them, but to distract ourselves from our suffering. When we learn to love and understand ourselves and have true compassion for ourselves, then we can truly love and understand another person.

Understanding is love’s other name.

Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.

We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.

If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.

Our Child Within is contact in progress

Our Child Within is contact in progress that we mistakenly think we have finished The Child Within you are right now is none transient, not fleeting and stable as all the personalities you’re ever been. The one constant in our lives is our child within.

The authentic self is the Child Within made visible.

The authentic self is the Child Within made visible.

The process of meeting our child within requires courage.

The process of meeting our child within requires courage. It requires strength. It requires faith that you will be taken care of after you pull off your bandaid.

When you do this process, it will make you feel lighter. You will have more room in your life for what you really want and need. It will speed up your ability to create the life that you want. And you will experience less anxiety and stress.

It’s a scary process, but well worth doing.

Meeting The Child Within: Don’t hide behind email, texts, phone calls or social media.

Meeting The Child Within: Don’t hide behind email, texts, phone calls or social media. Unless it would bring you danger – have the courage, respect and honour to meet in person with the person or people you need to talk to.

It can be scary to change - but boy oh boy is it worth it to shed our masks and show us our Child hidden Within.

It's scary to change. Change requires courage. And the reality is - you don't need to be fixed, what your child within is looking for is to be revealed. Life is about stepping more and more into who you really are and knowing that life will support who you really are.

It can be scary to change - but boy oh boy is it worth it to shed our masks and show us our Child hidden Within.

It's scary to put our real self our child within out there.

It's scary to put our real self our child within out there.

When we are growing up, generally - we are not rewarded for being our true selves and learn to keep our child within hidden. So we learn how to adapt. We learn about how we "should" be and end up putting on masks to hide our child within.

The strategies we learn to hide at a young age are carried over into adulthood and eventually the strategies we use to hide produce so much pain - that we must change.

Our child within often has a complex disrespect history may be easily triggered or “set off” and is more likely to react very intensely.

Our child within often has a complex disrespect history may be easily triggered or “set off” and is more likely to react very intensely. Our child within will struggle with self-regulation (i.e., knowing how to calm down) and will lack impulse control or the ability to think through consequences before acting. 

As a result, our complexly disrespected child within will behave in ways that appear unpredictable, oppositional, volatile, and extreme. Our child within who feels powerless or who grew up fearing an abusive authority figure may react defensively and aggressively in response to perceived blame or attack, or alternately, may at times be over-controlled, rigid, and unusually compliant with adults. 

If our child within dissociates often, this will also affect our behaviour. We will seem “spacey”, detached, distant, or out of touch with reality. disrespected child within is more likely to engage in high-risk behaviours, self-harm, unsafe sexual practices, and excessive risk-taking such as operating a vehicle at high speeds. We often engage in illegal activities, such as alcohol and substance use, assaulting others, stealing, running away, and/or prostitution, thereby making it more likely that they will enter the justice system.

Our Child Within who has experienced disrespect often have difficulty identifying, expressing, and managing emotions, and have limited voice for feeling states.

Our Child Within who has experienced disrespect often have difficulty identifying, expressing, and managing emotions, and have limited voice for feeling states. We internalise and/or externalise stress reactions and as a result experience significant depression, anxiety, or anger. Our emotional responses become unpredictable or explosive. Our child hidden within may react to a reminder of a traumatic event with trembling, anger, sadness, or avoidance. We who have a complex history, reminders of various traumatic events may be everywhere in our environment. We react often, react powerfully, and have difficulty calming down when upset. Since the triggers are often of an interpersonal nature, even mildly stressful interactions with others may serve as trigger reminders and result in intense emotional responses. Having learned that the world is a dangerous place where even loved ones can’t be trusted to protect you,our child within are vigilant and guarded in our interactions with others and are likely to perceive all situations as stressful or dangerous. While this defensive posture is protective when we are under attack, it becomes problematic in situations that do not warrant such intense reactions. Alternately, many of us also learn to “tune out” (emotional numbing) to threats in their environment, making them vulnerable to re-victimisation.

Difficulty managing emotions is pervasive and occurs in the absence of relationships as well. Having never learned how to calm ourselves down once we are upset, many of us become easily overwhelmed.  We become so frustrated that we give up on even small tasks that present a challenge. We who have experienced early and intense events also have an increased likelihood of being fearful all the time and in many situations. We are more likely to experience depression .

When we listen, child within speaks. When we obeys our inner voice, our child acts. This is meditation.

These are a few simple suggestions for people who are willing to make an experiment with themselves. 

You can discover for yourself the most important and practical thing any human being can ever learn-how to be in touch with your child within. All that is needed is the willingness to try it honestly. Every person who has done this consistently and sincerely has found that it really works. Before you begin, look over these fundamental points. They are true and are based on the experience of thousands of people. 

1. Our child within is alive, always has been and always will be. 

2. Child within is perfect knows everything. 

3. Child within can do anything. 

4. Child within can be everywhere - all at the same time. (These are the important differences between child within and us manufactured human beings). 

5. The child within is invisible-we can’t see or touch our child. But our child is here, is with you now, is beside you, surrounds you, fills the room or the whole place where you are now, is in you now, in your heart. 

6. Child cares very much for you, is interested in you, has a plan for your life, has an answer for every need and problem you face. 

7. Our Child Within will tell you all that you need to know, will not always tell you all that you want to know. 

8. Child will help you do anything that it asks you to do. 

9. Anyone can be in touch with our child within, anywhere and at any time, if the conditions are obeyed. These are the conditions: - To be quiet and still - To listen - To be honest about every thought that comes - To test the thoughts to be sure that they come from our child within - To obey So, with these basic elements as a background, here are specific suggestions on how to listen to our child within: 

1. Take Time Find some place and time where you can be alone, quiet and undisturbed. Most people have found that the early morning is the best time. Have with you some paper and pen or pencil.

 2. Relax Sit in a comfortable position. Consciously relax all your muscles. Be loose. There is no hurry. There needs to be no strain during these minutes. our child cannot get through to us if we are tense and anxious about later responsibilities. 3. Tune In Open your heart to your child within. Either silently or aloud, just say to your child in a natural way that you would like to find a plan for your life-you want an answer to the problem or situation that you are facing just now. Be definite and specific in your request. 

4. Listen Just be still, quiet, relaxed and open. Let your mind go “loose.” Let your child within do the talking. Thoughts, ideas, and impressions will begin to come into your mind and heart. Be alert and aware and open to every one.

 5. Write! Here is the important key to the whole process. Write down everything that comes into your mind. Everything. Writing is simply a means of recording so that you can remember later. Don’t sort out or edit your thoughts at this point. Don’t say to yourself: This thought isn’t important; This is just an ordinary thought; This can’t be guidance; This isn’t nice; This can’t be from my child; This is just me thinking…., etc. Write down everything that passes through your mind: Names of people; Things to do; Things to say; Things that are wrong and need to be made right. Write down everything: Good thoughts - bad thoughts; Comfortable thoughts - uncomfortable thoughts; thoughts of thoughts; Sensible thoughts - “crazy” thoughts. Be honest! Write down everything! A thought comes quickly, and it escapes even more quickly unless it is captured and put down.

 6. Test When the flow of thoughts slows down, stop. Take a good look at what you have written. Not every thought we have comes from our child. So we need to test our thoughts. Here is where the written record helps us to be able to look at them. a) Are these thoughts completely honest, pure, unselfish and loving? b) Are these thoughts in line with our child within c) Are these thoughts in line with our understanding 

7. Check When in doubt and when it is important, what does another person who is communicating with a child within think about this thought or action? More light comes in through two windows than one. Someone else who also wants the child withins plan for our lives may help us to see more clearly. Talk over together what you have written. Many people do this. They tell each other what guidance has come. This is the secret of unity. There are always three sides to every question-your side, my side, and the right side. Guidance shows us which is the right side-not who is right, but what is right. 

8. Obey Carry out the thoughts that have come. You will only be sure of guidance as you go through it. A rudder will not guide a boat until the boat is moving. As you obey, very often the results will convince you that you are on the right track.

 9. Blocks? What if I don’t seem to get any definite thoughts? Guidance is as freely available as the air we breathe. If I am not receiving thoughts when I listen, the fault is not our child within. Usually it is because there is something I will not do: - something wrong in my life that I will not face and make right; - a habit or indulgence I will not give up. - a person I will not forgive; - a wrong relationship in my life I will not give up; - a restitution I will not make; - something my intuitive voice has already told me to do that I will not obey. Check these points and be honest. Then try listening again. 

10. Mistakes Supposing I make a mistake and do something of my intuitive voice that isn’t right? Of course we make mistakes? We are humans with many faults. However, our child within will always honour our sincerity. will work around and through every honest mistake we make, will help us make it right. But remember this! Sometimes when we do obey our child within, someone else may not like it or agree with it. So when there is opposition, it doesn’t always mean you have made a mistake. It can mean that the other person doesn’t want to know or to do what is right. Supposing I fail to do something that I have been told and the opportunity to do it passes? There is only one thing to do. Put it right with God. Tell Him you’re sorry. Ask Him to forgive you, then accept His forgiveness and begin again. Our child within is not an impersonal computer, understanding us far better than we do. 

11. Results? We never know what swimming is like until we get down into the water and try. We will never know what it is like until we sincerely try it. Every person who has tried this honestly finds a wisdom, not their own, comes into their minds and that a Power greater than human power begins to operate in their lives. It is an endless adventure. There is a way of life, for everyone, everywhere. Anyone can be in touch with their child within, anywhere, anytime, if we fulfil the conditions of contact. When we listen, child within speaks. When we obeys our inner voice, our child acts. This is meditation. Our Child withins plan for this world goes forward through the lives of ordinary people who are willing to listen to their intuitive voice.

These are a few simple suggestions for Stagers who are willing to have an experimental experience with themselves.

These are a few simple suggestions for Stagers who are willing to have an experimental experience with themselves.

 You can discover for yourself the most important and practical thing any human being can ever learn-how to be in touch with your child within.

 All that is needed is the willingness to try it honestly. Every person who has done this consistently and sincerely has found that it really works. Before you begin, look over these fundamental points. They are true and are based on the experience of thousands of people. 

1. Our child within is alive, always has been and always will be. 

2. Child within is perfect knows everything. 

3. Child within can do anything. 

4. Child within can be everywhere - all at the same time. (These are the important differences between child within and us manufactured human beings). 

5. The child within is invisible-we can’t see or touch our child. But our child is here, is with you now, is beside you, surrounds you, fills the room or the whole place where you are now, is in you now, in your heart. 

6. Child cares very much for you, is interested in you, has a plan for your life, has an answer for every need and problem you face. 

7. Our Child Within will tell you all that you need to know, will not always tell you all that you want to know. 

8. Child will help you do anything that it asks you to do. 

9. Anyone can be in touch with our child within, anywhere and at any time, if the conditions are obeyed. 

These are the conditions: - To be quiet and still - To listen - To be honest about every thought that comes - To test the thoughts to be sure that they come from our child within - To obey So, with these basic elements as a background, here are specific suggestions on how to listen to our child within:

 1. Take Time Find some place and time where you can be alone, quiet and undisturbed. Most people have found that the early morning is the best time. Have with you some paper and pen or pencil. 

2. Relax Sit in a comfortable position. Consciously relax all your muscles. Be loose. There is no hurry. There needs to be no strain during these minutes. our child cannot get through to us if we are tense and anxious about later responsibilities. 3. Tune In Open your heart to your child within. Either silently or aloud, just say to your child in a natural way that you would like to find a plan for your life-you want an answer to the problem or situation that you are facing just now. Be definite and specific in your request. 

4. Listen Just be still, quiet, relaxed and open. Let your mind go “loose.” Let your child within do the talking. Thoughts, ideas, and impressions will begin to come into your mind and heart. Be alert and aware and open to every one. 

5. Write! Here is the important key to the whole process. Write down everything that comes into your mind. Everything. Writing is simply a means of recording so that you can remember later. Don’t sort out or edit your thoughts at this point. Don’t say to yourself: This thought isn’t important; This is just an ordinary thought; This can’t be guidance; This isn’t nice; This can’t be from my child; This is just me thinking…., etc. Write down everything that passes through your mind: Names of people; Things to do; Things to say; Things that are wrong and need to be made right. Write down everything: Good thoughts - bad thoughts; Comfortable thoughts - uncomfortable thoughts; thoughts of thoughts; Sensible thoughts - “crazy” thoughts. Be honest! Write down everything! A thought comes quickly, and it escapes even more quickly unless it is captured and put down. 

6. Test When the flow of thoughts slows down, stop. Take a good look at what you have written. Not every thought we have comes from our child. So we need to test our thoughts. Here is where the written record helps us to be able to look at them. a) Are these thoughts completely honest, pure, unselfish and loving? b) Are these thoughts in line with our child within c) Are these thoughts in line with our understanding 

7. Check When in doubt and when it is important, what does another person who is communicating with a child within think about this thought or action? More light comes in through two windows than one. Someone else who also wants the child withins plan for our lives may help us to see more clearly. Talk over together what you have written. Many people do this. They tell each other what guidance has come. This is the secret of unity. There are always three sides to every question-your side, my side, and the right side. Guidance shows us which is the right side-not who is right, but what is right. 

8. Obey Carry out the thoughts that have come. You will only be sure of guidance as you go through it. A rudder will not guide a boat until the boat is moving. As you obey, very often the results will convince you that you are on the right track. 

9. Blocks? What if I don’t seem to get any definite thoughts? Guidance is as freely available as the air we breathe. If I am not receiving thoughts when I listen, the fault is not our child within. Usually it is because there is something I will not do: - something wrong in my life that I will not face and make right; - a habit or indulgence I will not give up. - a person I will not forgive; - a wrong relationship in my life I will not give up; - a restitution I will not make; - something my intuitive voice has already told me to do that I will not obey. Check these points and be honest. Then try listening again. 

10. Mistakes Supposing I make a mistake and do something of my intuitive voice that isn’t right? Of course we make mistakes? We are humans with many faults. However, our child within will always honour our sincerity. will work around and through every honest mistake we make, will help us make it right. But remember this! Sometimes when we do obey our child within, someone else may not like it or agree with it. So when there is opposition, it doesn’t always mean you have made a mistake. It can mean that the other person doesn’t want to know or to do what is right. Supposing I fail to do something that I have been told and the opportunity to do it passes? There is only one thing to do. Put it right with God. Tell Him you’re sorry. Ask Him to forgive you, then accept His forgiveness and begin again. Our child within is not an impersonal computer, understanding us far better than we do. 

11. Results? We never know what swimming is like until we get down into the water and try. We will never know what it is like until we sincerely try it. Every person who has tried this honestly finds a wisdom, not of their own, comes into their minds and that a Powerful perfect child greater than human power begins to operate in their lives. It is an endless adventure. There is a way of life, for everyone, everywhere. Anyone can be in touch with their child within, anywhere, anytime, if we fulfil the conditions of contact. When we listen, our child within speaks. When we obeys our inner voice, our child acts. This is our meditation. Our Child withins plans for this world goes forward through the lives of ordinary people who are willing to listen to their intuitive voice.

The definition of child abuse for our child within is simple:

The definition of child abuse for our child within is simple: whenever the spirit of the child is disrespected the child is abused. Abuse of the spirit of the child can take many forms, from the overt forms of child abuse that conventional society is able to accept – such as overt sexual abuse, physical violence and the extremes of neglect – to whole realms of abuse that fall below society’s radar and are considered normal and healthy forms of friendship and parenting. Our Child Within still retains the needs of childhood, and where we fail to meet these needs – whether society notices or cares or even bats an eye – our child within once more ends up abused.

The Child Within has been trying for centuries to convince us they are, like the rest of us, sensing, feeling, thinking human beings.

The Child Within has been trying for centuries to convince us they are, like the rest of us, sensing, feeling, thinking human beings. Struggling against thousands of years of ignorant supposition that newborns are partly human, sub-human, or not-yet human, the vast majority of babies arrive in hospitals today, greeted by medical specialists who are still skeptical as to whether they can actually see, feel pain, learn, and remember what happens to them. Physicians, immersed in protocol, employ painful procedures, confident no permanent impression, certainly no lasting damage, will result from the manner in which babies are received into this world.

The Child Within can remember consciously the big event of birth itself

The Child Within can remember consciously the big event of birth itself, at least during the first years of their lives. Proof of this comes from little children just learning to talk. Usually around two or three years of age, when children are first able to speak about their experiences, some spontaneously recall what their birth was like. They tell what happened in plain language, sometimes accompanied by pantomime, pointing and sound effects. They describe water, black and red colors, the coming light, or dazzling light, and the squeezing sensations. Cesarean babies tell about a door or window suddenly opening, or a zipper that zipped open and let them out. Some babies remember fear and danger. They also remember and can reveal secrets.

One of our stories of a secret birth memory came from Cathy, a midwife's assistant. With the birth completed, she found herself alone with a hungry, restless baby after her mother had gone to bathe and the chief midwife was busy in another room. Instinctively, Cathy offered the baby her own breast for a short time: then she wondered if this were appropriate and stopped feeding the infant without telling anyone what had happened. Years later, when the little girl was almost four, Cathy was babysitting her. In a quiet moment, she asked the child if she remembered her birth. The child did, and volunteered various accurate details. Then, moving closer to whisper a secret, she said "You held me and gave me titty when I cried, and Mommy wasn't there." Cathy said to herself, "Nobody can tell me babies don't remember their births!"

Is a baby a conscious and real person? To me it is no longer appropriate to speculate. It is too late to speculate when so much is known. The range of evidence now available in the form of knowledge of the foetal sensory system, observations of foetal behaviour in the womb, and experimental proof of learning and memory--all of this evidence--amply verifies what some mothers and fathers have sensed from time immemorial, that a baby is a real person.A Child Within, The baby is real in having a sense of self which can be seen in creative efforts to adjust to or influence its environment. Babies show self-regulation (as in restricting swallowing and breathing), self-defence (as in retreating from invasive needles and strong light), self-assertion, combat with a needle, or striking out at a bothersome twin!

Babies are like us in having clearly manifested feelings in their reactions to assaults, injuries, irritations, or medically inflicted pain. They smile, cry, and kick in protest, manifest fear, anger, grief, pleasure, or displeasure in ways which seem entirely appropriate in relation to their circumstances. Babies are cognitive beings, thinking their own thoughts, dreaming their own dreams, learning from their own experiences, and remembering their own experiences.

Because of all these capabilities, we know babies remember at a very deep level of consciousness their primal journey, the way they entered this world.

The Child withins preschoolers’ dreams are often static and plain

The Child withins preschoolers’ dreams are often static and plain, with no characters that move or act, hardly any feelings and no memories. What would dreaming be like for an organism that spends its time suspended in a sort of isolation tank, with no memories, and no way to imagine anything at all? We imagine that the foetus experiences nothing in utero; that it feels the way we do when we are in a deep, dreamless sleep.

The dramatic events attending delivery by natural (vaginal) means cause the brain to abruptly wake up, however. The foetus is forced from its paradisic existence in the protected, aqueous and warm womb into a hostile, aerial and cold world that assaults its senses with utterly foreign sounds, smells and sights, a highly stressful event.

The Child within relationship to meditation often replicates the foetus

The Child within relationship to meditation often replicates the foetus which is often considered to be like a preterm baby, like an unborn newborn. But this notion disregards the unique uterine environment: suspended in a warm and dark cave, connected to the placenta that pumps blood, nutrients and hormones into its growing body and brain, the foetus is asleep.

foetus is almost always in one of two sleep states. Called active and quiet sleep, these states can be distinguished using electroencephalography. Their different EEG signatures go hand in hand with distinct behaviours: breathing, swallowing, licking, and moving the eyes but no large-scale body movements in active sleep; no breathing, no eye movements and tonic muscle activity in quiet sleep. These stages correspond to rapid-eye-movement (REM) and slow-wave sleep common to all mammals. In late gestation the foetus is in one of these two sleep states 95 percent of the time, separated by brief transitions.






What is fascinating is the discovery that the foetus is actively sedated by the low oxygen pressure (equivalent to that at the top of Mount Everest), the warm and cushioned uterine environment.The role of the placenta in maintaining sedation is revealed when the umbilical cord is closed off while keeping the foetus adequately supplied with oxygen. The lamb embryo now moves and breathes continuously. From all this evidence, neonatologists conclude that the foetus is asleep while its brain matures.

In our child within meditational state we may seek to recreate this unreflective, present-oriented consciousness.

Child Within as infants have no awareness of their own state, emotions and motivations. Even as older children who can speak have very limited insight into their own actions. Anybody who has raised a boy is familiar with the blank look on your teenager’s face when you ask him why he did something particularly rash. A shrug and “I dunno—it seemed like a good idea at the time” is the most you’ll hear.

Although a newborn lacks self-awareness, the baby processes complex visual stimuli and attends to sounds and sights in its world, preferentially looking at faces. The infant’s visual acuity permits it to see only blobs, but the basic thalamo-cortical circuitry necessary to support simple visual and other conscious percepts is in place. And linguistic capacities in babies are shaped by the environment they grow up in. Exposure to maternal speech sounds in the muffled confines of the womb enables the foetus

 to pick up statistical regularities so that the newborn can distinguish its mother’s voice and even her language from others. A more complex behaviour is imitation: if Dad sticks out his tongue and waggles it, the infant mimics his gesture by combining visual information with proprioceptive feedback from its own movements. It is therefore likely that the baby has some basic level of unreflective, present-oriented consciousness.

In our child within meditational state we may seek to recreate this unreflective, present-oriented consciousness.

Our path to recovery is a deep and beautiful process because we are no longer running away from afflictions that have rendered us dysfunctional in life.

Our path to recovery is a deep and beautiful process because we are no longer running away from afflictions that have rendered us dysfunctional in life. We bring child within meditation, concentration and insight to our child within and envelop our child in the refreshing energy of transformation. We work diligently to nurture happiness, joy and safety in the consciousness of the child within—the same perfect child that is in us, our ancestors and our descendants. When despair and fear arise from our child we have the presence of mind to listen deeply and surround the fear with the stronger energy field of the perfect child within.

The basis of recovery in ten stages is understanding, not blame, guilt or shame.

The basis of recovery in ten stages is understanding, not blame, guilt or shame. First, we need to understand that the abuser must have lived in ignorance and deprivation, without support, guidance ; the overwhelming power of ignorance drove him or her to do wrong. If the abused person can begin to understand just a little bit, then anger, shame and outrage can transform into droplets of compassion, and through meditational practice, suffering can diminish. When forgiveness and understanding are present, suffering decreases.

Making Contact we must touch the seeds of our childhood pain and emotional suffering

Making Contact we must touch the seeds of our childhood pain and emotional suffering from an adult state of meditation and awareness, making it safe for our child to come out from behind closed doors of its childhood. As adults, we can no longer run away. We must have the courage to bring healing to our hurt child within and thereby transform ourselves. And the stages we take are not only to heal ourselves—we somehow connect to all wounded children, those of our ancestors and descendants and everyone else in the world. Because once we cultivate the seeds of meditational healing in ourselves, the energy of these seeds extends into all that we connect with, in a quantum leap through time and space from our cellular memories to everyone else’s. 

With awareness, we take our child within into our daily life: we go on picnics, take walks, sit at the dining-room table, do the dishes together. 

We are patient, realising that we’re on a empowering adventure to end a cycle of pain and emotional suffering that may have persisted over generations. Thus we are healing and transforming ingrained patterns transmitted to us from our historical family and through us to our descendants, patterns that built up over time like corrosive rust and amplified the fears and suffering of the child within us.

The Ten Stages are the way through to the child within.

No matter what kind of happy pretend face we present as an adult, there is also a frightened little boy or girl inside us. This suffering child within colours everything we do, generating our fears, insecurities and self-loathing, damaging our relationships and our life. That wounded child within is you, is me, and we must extend a hand to him so we can understand, defuse and transform the energy of this pain. The Ten Stages are the way through to the child within. We have to embrace our child exactly where it is—caught by the past, fearful, and angry at being neglected for so long. Moreover, we have to be filled with compassion for ourselves and gently move towards contact.

Abuse during childhood creates within us a lost, frightened and frozen child within us.

Abuse during childhood creates within us a lost, frightened and frozen child within us. If we are unable to reach this wounded child then we may never heal ourselves. We prefer not to remember the sufferings of childhood, so we bury our memories and hide from them. We run away from seeing deeply into the causes of our suffering. Whenever the memories arise, however fleetingly, we think we cannot handle them and we deflect them into the deepest realms of our unconscious mind. We are terrified of further suffering. As a result, the wounded child within may not be seen for a long time. Yet we have to find a way to reach our child and make it safe. We have to get past the fear and address the suffering, because that is the way to recovery.

We must embrace uncertainty in our recovery if we are to grow

Unless I’m in mortal danger, fear is a compass showing me where to go in my recovery and making my first contact.



We must embrace uncertainty in our recovery if we are to grow – and the practice of seeing the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat plus learning to take risks that won’t actually kill you are the key things we must master if we are to live free lives.



What risks could you take that you think would “kill” you – even though you know it wouldn’t? Maybe it’s starting the ten stages , leaving a job, or a toxic relationship, maybe it’s finally saying enough I want to know the truth, or taking a stand.



Whatever it is, do you think that it will actually kill you? If not, what new action could you take now?

Our child within once released has an incredibly rich inner life.

Our child within once released has an incredibly rich inner life. We become extremely perceptive, attuned more to how we act than what we say. For us, recognition, understanding, and security are our recovery oxygen.

Our child within has their own peculiar way of organising and expressing things, too, which can be confusing for us at first.

In our ongoing play recovery, patterns emerge that indicate how our child within is starting to re-connect managing his or her feelings. Our expertise consists in identifying and tracking these ways of coping, attempting to give voice to them in a way that speaks directly to our child within, and finally helping our child to recreate new ways of experiencing our world. In this way, we can become more open and free to explore our child's full range of  emotional tools that will benefit him or her over our enhanced lifespan.

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There’s no addiction without ‘thought disorder’, broken sentences, blocked phrases.

Our addictive/dysfunctional behaviour in the past has mystified us – except that everyone, INCLUDING US, can agree two simple facts. FIRSTLY, there’s no addiction without ‘thought disorder’, broken sentences, blocked phrases. If you don’t know this, then you fail at the first hurdle, and rightly so. SECONDLY, childhoods matter. OK so far? Problems thinking and problematic childhoods – can you suspend disbelief for a moment and blend these two long established facts, despite what you’ve been taught all your life as the corner stone of a new recovery?
Richard, a pseudonym, is now 49. Even so, he shows that he believes he is still “being hit” today, because, apparently, his father hit him so hard at age 2. He doesn’t want to believe this, any more than you do. We have listened carefully to him as he stumbles over the word ‘hit’, how he argues against the idea that he is currently stronger than his dad, even though the latter is now 74, and that even thinking he is stronger is ‘prohibited’ to him, by him. Whether he was actually hit or not, I don’t know, and I’m not interested – what matters is that he still thinks he is being hit today – and he isn’t, that is something I do know. The key is that he begins to feel ‘relief’ once today’s reality percolates through the cognitive mire.

Are our thought processes really those of a very young child that has high jacked our emotional life? Is this what addiction is all about – our gummed up thought processes, because we the sufferer ‘thinks’ the trauma is still ‘alive’ in our heads? If the child within is provide with adequate trustworthy emotional support, could you persuade our child within that, since our trauma is dead, it’s over? If we did, would we be cured? We know childhood traumas ceased long ago – a fact we simply don’t believe – what would happen if we gently catch up with reality? We then keep desperately pressing for more, because we come to know think that our thought processes will clear and we will accomplish emotional growth into maturity.

Our journey towards recovery is simple. Firstly we have to acknowledge that buried inside us is our true perfect being which we christen The Child Within. The Child Within is frozen in time locked away in the basement of the mind it had to survive so it learnt to cope with erratic parenting. Dad shouts, mum dies, or vice versa – the actual event is not material, the context is all. Our Child Within had no physical defence, so we had to devise a mental one – “this isn’t happening to me”. Our Child Within is caught on the hop, and gets stuck within this potent coping strategy. We can be unstuck, but only when we can be persuaded that our thinking is safe again – simple, but not easy. 

We also make another decision Long ago, decades ago, IN EARLY CHILDHOOD We have made the decision that life was not worth living – it was something to ‘get through’ as smoothly and mindlessly as possible until we could die. The rule had been to imperceptibly stay as non-present as possible, while going about the business of doing what we had to do to ‘survive’, to pass as a human being to fit in. That was a rule we learned deep, deep down and stored with our child within. To seek a solution is to study the Ten Stages and then and only then will your solution become apparent. Our Childhood survival strategies get prolonged into adulthood, ‘Child Within Messages’ – it doesn’t work, it can be shown not to work, and with enough trustworthy emotional support, intuitive thinking can be restored and with it liberation from childhood survival.

Like any ‘Child Within’, We use whatever ‘verbal childhood spanners’ that come immediately to hand to understand the rage and anger that spews forth from our child within. We may find these responses brusque, challenging and angry – but such is the trust between our guides and us that we take it on the chin, and agree to be helped by the stages. Could this be evidence of efficacy? We believe it is, do you?

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