First Contact with The Child Within

Contacting The Child within us: We were all once children, and still have that child dwelling within us. But most of us are unaware of this.


Fraser Trevor Fraser Trevor Author
Title: Abuse and lack of respect during childhood creates within us a lost, frightened and frozen child within.
Author: Fraser Trevor
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Abuse and lack of respect during childhood creates within us a lost, frightened and frozen child within. If we are unable to reach this wou...
Abuse and lack of respect during childhood creates within us a lost, frightened and frozen child within. If we are unable to reach this wounded child within then we may never heal ourselves. We prefer not to remember the sufferings of childhood, so we bury our memories and hide from them. We run away from seeing deeply into the causes of our suffering. Whenever the memories arise, however fleetingly, we think we cannot handle them and we deflect them into the deepest realms of our unconscious mind. We are terrified of further suffering. As a result, the wounded child within may not be seen for a long time. Yet we have to find a way to reach inside and make us safe. We have to get past the fear and address the suffering, because that is the way to awakening and our recovery.
No matter what kind of happy pretend face we present as an adult, there is also a frightened little boy or girl inside us. This suffering child within colours everything we do, generating our fears, insecurities and self-loathing, damaging our relationships and our life. That wounded child within is you, is me, and we must extend a hand to him so we can understand, defuse and transform the energy of his/her suffering. Meditation is the way through to the child within. We have to embrace him/her exactly where he/her is—caught by the past, fearful, and angry at being neglected for so long. Moreover, we have to be very gentle.
We must touch the seeds of childhood suffering, making it safe for that child to come out from behind closed doors. As adults, we can no longer run away. We must have the courage to bring healing to our hurt child within and thereby transform ourselves by reaching inside ourselves. And the steps we take are not only to heal ourselves—we somehow connect to all wounded children, those of our ancestors and descendants and everyone else in the world. Because once we cultivate the seeds of loving-kindness healing in ourselves, the energy of these seeds extends into all that we connect with, in a quantum leap through time and space from our cellular memories to everyone else’s. With awareness, we take our child within out into our daily life: we go on picnics, take walks, sit at the dining-room table, do the dishes together. We’re patient, realising that we’re on an adventure to end a cycle of suffering that may have persisted over generations. Thus we are healing and transforming ingrained patterns transmitted to us from our ancestors and through us to our descendants, patterns that built up over time like corrosive rust and amplified the fears and suffering of the wounded child within.
 Very gently, we speak about the ignorance and pain of the abuser as well as the pain of the abused, explaining that the basis of recovery is understanding, not blame, guilt or shame. First, we need to understand that the abuser must have lived in ignorance and deprivation, without support, guidance or a wise teacher; the overwhelming power of ignorance drove him or her to do wrong. If the abused person can begin to understand just a little bit, then anger, shame and outrage can transform into droplets of compassion, and through mindfulness practice, suffering can diminish. When forgiveness and understanding are present, suffering decreases. We recommend that the abused person practice mindfulness, to transform himself or herself and engender the compassion to help all children who need protection. Those who have experienced abuse and recovered from it can use their understanding to promote measures that protect children and help eradicate the ignorance that generates abuse.


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